well

2021 is about to end, 

I wanna write down my thoughts, how things have changed in an year.

2020 was a terrible year, basically I was depressed, I am grateful to ardra who helped me in time of need, there were a lot of down fall lessons, and literally struggled with suicidal  thoughts.. and somehow managed to pass each day and started 2021 with tears, feelings of worthlessness and self deprecating beliefs. 

I'm glad that she was brave enough to figure out a way out, I used youtube to learn more about how to tackle my beliefs and how its impacting my life, staying away from social media was a great thing I did, also brave girl decided to seek Wisdom she started to read books, eventually it made her a better person, slowling Sailing into mid 2021, she was struggling yet she was craving herself. She did hold on to things which could make her better. 

She tried to weed off her own toxic behaviours and tried to understand the most important kind of achievement or wisdom is accepting things what you can't change.. instead of crying over it.

Sailing through life, with ups and down. It went...

She worked hard and studied for her exams despite of how hard it was for her. I am proud of my girl. 

She passed out with flying colours, all thanks to lord who had always been with her. 

And her parents and family despite of everything and her angry moods her parents loved her unconditionally, still they do.. 

They are amazing, she wish she could reciprocate that same kind of unconditional love back. 

There were few things which happened over time, I had caught covid and it was such a bad time.. couldn't forgot how amrutha treated me it still makes me sad, I dont forgive her but I try to forget to not to make myself feel bad. Anyway the oldy dont matter. None of those superficial people matter. 

This year wasn't that terrible but I think kinda slightly breakthrough year in my life. I have learned.

That, life, in life anything is possible only if we make the effort to do. Just same in case of everything.. 

Also I couldn't forget reddit, it was awesome to know that too many people in this world find me attractive and are already ready to ask me out, I'm so glad., I was told I was undesirable and nobody would choose me all my life, but extreme people's interest (americans) in me made me so happy, I glad I'll be able to find love or that someone will choose me someday  :) 

Couldn't forget to write about two most memorable strangers I met online, one of them is rindert, the Dutch, really loved that connection.. I do dislike certain parts of his personality but wow, he is a whole different kind of person. I'd love to have such a smartass and intelligent guy like him in my life. 

I miss you rindert, you lovely chuckle and cute voice. Man, I wonder what you're upto. 

Obviously its childish of me, but it was aweosme... love you, take care.

Also another one is, danish guy I met from omegle it was beautiful. He was such a sweet guy. We had a memorable conversation, I don't remember most of it at all. But it gave me a wholesome feeling..  

Its beautiful to know such strangers exist in this world... 

Hopefully I'll meet someone like that when I move out,. Living here in this toxic society is so terrible, hopefully looking forward to move abroad in future. Lord please make a way for me. I really dont want to end up for a mediocre life here. I already hate people here.. they are so terrible. 

Also things I gotta remember.. is.. 

Not everyone matters and