Anagha Writes

 when you grow up in a dysfunctional life, you end being a people pleaser, you want to feel accepted and appreciated, because whole life you were taught you were not enough,  or idk its hard to be a nice person, i try to be empathetic and fucking ... its a fucking disgrace its people always in my head, i am always in a deep delusion about people.  i don't like this life, but i will not give up. i am pretty sure i am not always right, sometimes its me and my thoughts thats strangulating myself, my delusional thoughts thats ruining my life, i dont know, how can i build myself once again, i dont know to whom to turn or where to ask for help, nobody seems to help me, but i will hold for my loving mom who love me so much, my loving dad who have a lot of hopes on me, for my brother although we dont express too much but we are there for each other, lately i realised so much how much he helped me to drop me at college and stuff, its the real love and not what kind of thing you are searchin

What held me behind my whole life was just my own delimiting beliefs and habits, i used to shrink myself, because i saw no worth in me or was unable to appreciate the person who i was, i was searching for people's acceptance to fill my inadequacy, i never believed i had my own word, i tried to fit in. Didn't even thought i am even a person. I was just a side line character. As i tried to shrink myself, people exploited me even more and i failed to appreciate the opportunities life had given me. My self deprecating beliefs, which i acquired through my harsh childhood and judgemental situations i faced in life moulded the way i was, i heard them and i imbibed those words and belived them, as a young kid i didn't had any idea how to figure it out and sort it out. I lived with it and had to bear with lot of bad days due to my self limiting beliefs. But eventually it feels like i kind of realised what was wrong and now i am consciously trying to make me a better person. I know

This is the first time in my life, i have ever met with an accident.  My loving parents finally brought a scooter for me last month after a long struggle and hardwork. Since then everyday i used to ride it on our nearby road which is free of any vehicle. Recently i started to practice on road.. so that i can commute to college all by my own.  Well our public road here is sadly heavily populated by vehicles especially at office hours. Today, I was riding through our ulloor junction, road was full of traffic, first of all i am a anxious person, so i knew what i was feeling inside, a deep sense of fear and uncertainty i was in the left path and i wanted to cross to right side, it seemed like a impossible task to cross in between the all big vehicles, well it was about 6pm, me on a heavily populated traffic road on my scooter all by myself. In the hour of i exactly don't know, all i know is i was full of anxiousness and was worried about "how will i cross this road?" i was tr